U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
