I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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