Non-Jews are for practice
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
