you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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