Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
