Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
