Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
there is puke in my bra ... again
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