whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
