If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
