I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize