we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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