is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
