Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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