the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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