I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
