I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
