When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
