I feel great
I just peed on a car
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i will never coherently bang her
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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