I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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