i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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