So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
