I think my vagina is haunted
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
