He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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