pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
