He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
