I understand Curling. That high.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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