what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
