Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize