She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
