he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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