I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
