I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
