as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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