I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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