i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
