the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
