One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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