I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
