sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
