My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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