What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
