dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
