he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
either way he was missing a nipple.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
