I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
