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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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