dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
