I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
