Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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