Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
