I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
