Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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