I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
