In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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