idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How does it feel to date your dad?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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