that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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