I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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