how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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