Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
