38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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