I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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