At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
