It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
