You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
