if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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